My Fibromyalgia Story

On the Christmas Eve 2003 I started to experience severe pain in my joints and muscles. They were like heavy flu symptoms. After a few weeks of constant pain, I went to a doctor and I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

I was in pain almost all the time. I had a few good days followed by a few bad weeks. I used to be a very active person rarely watching TV and suddenly I would came back home from work, often early, and I spent the rest of the day in bed watching TV or sleeping.

Even worse than the pain was fatigue.  It was nothing like normal fatigue. I often had problems walking; each step needed conscious extra effort from me. At times lifting my arm or leg was like lifting heavy weights. I stopped doing many things automatically. Many activities, even really small ones, like getting a cup out from a shelf, needed special effort. I could be exhausted after brushing my teeth even though I washed them sitting down. I had difficulties putting on my clothes. It was such a challenge to get ready for work in the morning. I felt like I was a hundred years old.

I felt embarrassed; I did not know how to talk about it with my family and friends. I was probably afraid that they might tell me that I was overreacting, that it was all in my head. I started to go to different alternative practitioners and they kept telling me that I had chosen my fibromyalgia. It did not help; it just made me feel guilty. I tried different diets including fasting and I had some relief but after a while the pain and fatigue would always return.

Around May, a friend of mine told me about EFT.  I printed the manual from the internet and I signed up for the upcoming seminar. I went to the three day seminar in Chicago and my intuition told me that this was going to be the method for me. The most attractive part was the fact that I could do it myself, that I didn’t feel powerless. At the seminar I met Andy Bryce and I asked him to work with me. He seemed to be a very considerate and compassionate, gentle person. He had been working with me over the phone for and my life has changed amazingly.

Even though the whole process, which brought me to the moment where I am now, is important, there are a few steps that I feel are particularly worth mentioning (stepping stones).

The first one was the session when Andy sent me his love energy and helped me experience the love. It was the first time when I felt completely free of pain. It gave me strength and faith that I could be healed. After that I noticed a big shift in my energy. I stopped feeling fatigue most of the time. I also noticed that it was getting much easier to listen to my intuition.

Next, we began work on my core issue; which was my guilt and responsibility for my mother’s suffering and belief that “I must suffer in my life”.  So Andy suggested to tap “I believe that I must suffer a lot in my life”, “I didn’t deserve to be healthy and happy” or ”I don’t believe I can free myself from suffering”. I also tapped a lot for affirmations such as “I ‘m willing to open my heart to myself” or “I love being healthy”. Especially important for me was this one “I’m grateful for this pain gift which brought me understanding and compassion but I’m willing to learn from joy”. I also tapped on experiences from my past associated with this.

At the end of September, when I was at a Buddhist retreat, I started to feel a sharp pain under my left shoulder. After a while, the pain became more and more nagging. Since I have had fibromyalgia my sleep was shallow, especially in the mornings, after 2-3 AM. So, now, with this new pain, I woke up dozens of times throughout the night. I was growing increasingly frustrated; I was tired and desperate to get some sleep. The more I tried to resist the pain, the more it persisted. I woke up every hour to struggle with the pain. I started to tap “I’m willing to receive the message that the pain gives me” and after a while I found out that I needed this pain; and sometimes I would greet it with gratitude. I almost enjoyed my wakeful nights; it helped me practice holding my attention on my breath. And again Andy suggested to tap”I’m grateful for the message this pain gives me and I recognize the fear behind it but I’m willing to see if my path to enlightenment can be filled with joy and gratefulness”.

In November I went to Toronto for the Energy Psychology Conference. I attended the workshop led by Steven Vazquez and for a moment I was free of the pain while the presenter was working with somebody suffering from fibromyalgia. Completely intuitively I asked Steven for a private session.

            At the session I asked him to work on my specific back pain. We reconstructed the lineage from which the pain had come. The links brought me through the retreat and suffering to my childhood, World War II, my parents and my mother’s depression. A few times Steven asked me to stand up and kept his hands hovering inches away from my body while we were talking. We spent some time talking about my mother’s suffering. I wanted to free her from her pain and misery. The pain under my shoulder was getting more intense. He asked me to give back to my mother all the hurt in a symbolic way. I did it and I felt an enormous relief.

A few moments after that I felt immense happiness. I started to laugh and I laughed with all my heart. I stopped laughing as I felt this huge wave of joy coming toward me. I felt like the gate to the Universe had opened. I saw two different spaces. I felt I was in both of them. I felt pain in my back but it felt very different. It did not bother me at all. It was just something I once called pain. I was completely free of hurt. Everything seemed to be lucid and transparent.

After a while I felt an even deeper wave of joy. I felt an amazing hoop vibrating around my heart. This new space had opened up for me and I felt infinitely and entirely free and complete. I did not feel joy, I was joy. And everything else was joy. There was nothing before or beyond. There was no time. There was pure and absolutely perfect joy. Then gratitude emerged and I was so very grateful to Steven who was sitting in front of me. I hugged him and I felt profound gratitude to all sentient beings, to my teachers and my family, my neighbors and all the people I used to be afraid of. It was endless gratitude.

My session was over and I returned to the conference. For the next few days I was filled with blissful joy. I felt such amazing lightness in my body. The pain began to vanish and each day there was less and less of it. After a couple days I slept through the whole night with no pain. After ten days I was completely free of the pain.

I am grateful for EFT which helped me to relieve my pain and to improve the quality of my life. I have become more compassionate towards other people as well as myself, and more receptive to my intuition. I am NOT a victim of fibromyalgia anymore. I took ownership for whatever has happen in my life.

 I am profoundly grateful for helping me to open the gate to my new life – a life full of adventures, surprises, love, joy, connections and responsibility without guilt.

Kristina Lukawska,